That Makes Me Depressed! Top 10 Things To Watch Out For
I’ve written many articles on depression and it would be wise to read them all.This article talks about the top 10 things to look out for that will help develop emotional resilience that will support you when the depression starts to lift.
By the way, the previous sentence is actually one of the best affirmations of all for
overcoming depression! Just say it over and over in your mind “every day is better than the day before”.
I’ve been a therapist, coach and mentor for 15 years and have helped many people overcome depression.The most common and worthwhile advice I give my clients who are working through depression is to start preparing now for what your life is going to be like once the depression clouds shift.
I know this seems a little absurd because all you really want now is for the depression to be gone. But people who have had depression and suddenly get happy and well
again tend to crash and even end up in a worse state than they were before.This happens when the root of the depression has not been identified and a person has also not developed emotional resilience tools to get them through times of crisis and stress. It means the recovery has happened too quickly and cannot be sustained.
When we are talking about breaking through depression, we need to think of the process as being a nice steady rise, where everyday gets better than the day before. Change needs to happen slowly, softly and steadily.
Those who have had personal consultations with me know that one piece of advice I almost always give at the end of the session is “Now don’t go out there and get happy again, there’s nothing worse than a depressed person who gets happy!” It’s a bit of humour with the truth behind it being to remember the following advice and tips for
building emotional resilience.
Firstly imagine that every day is getting better than the day before.How does that look for you? You’re on the improve; the sun is breaking through; you start to feel flashes of positive feelings and emotions; energy levels are rising; passion, ideas and inspiration start to flow through your mind; your head is clearing and the fog is lifting; you start to exercise and think of joining a sport or going to the gym; you find yourself being chatty again; the light of hope and optimism returns and you think that maybe soon you can get off your med’s; intuition is back; you start to feel lucky; libido is returning; you start getting decisive and make choices; you feel solid, almost bullet proof; gratitude for life is back and you start to feel in-tune with your spiritual self again. ‘Yay – I’m back!!” you say.
The power of your mind and visualisation is such a key element to overcoming depression, so write out the above (old school – that is by hand!) everyday for 30 days finishing with “Every day is better than the day before” and watch it come true! Know and believe that you eventually will get what you focus your mind and emotions on.
Okay, so now the work begins. You now have a vision of what life is like for you on the other side of depression and know the journey you need to take to get there. What you need to do now is think about and mentally prepare for what may bring you down again.
Here are my top 10 areas to contemplate and be aware of:
1. TRIGGERS
It is vital to be aware of your personal triggers and the word trigger. It is a great word tool for communication where you can easily express the areas that bring you down or cause a reaction. They are different for everyone and you will be surprised that what
triggers you may not trigger other people. Some triggers everyone shares – like happy people to a depressed person.I got easily triggered when I was depressed by people who were happy, passionate and everything was going well for them. I used to hate that! When people tried to make me ‘not depressed’ and try to control me, telling me what to do, say or think, that really triggered me. When others criticised everything I had to say or had to have
their opinion every time I spoke I used to think “why can’t people just listen?” At times when people presumed that I was depressed and tried to help me when actually I was just ‘nothing’ or ‘normal’ , well, that triggered me. “Why don’t they ask me before they presume my mood?” and “Why don’t they presume that I am relaxed and
quite content? Why do I have to be bouncy and happy looking all the
time?”
Anything to do with money also triggered me, especially the endless amount of bills that come in and the feeling that it not only wasn’t going to stop but was only going to get worse!
Sex triggered me and having to always be the initiator or pleaser, or so I thought anyway.
Be aware of your personal triggers? Who? What? Where? When?
2. BALANCE
Too much of anything will tip you out of balance, even good, healthy and happy things. Wealth, wisdom and change needs to happen slowly! We need to have a little bit of everything from exercise, work, rest, fun, talking etc.
Check my article on Major Life Areas for more on this topic.
3. ABC OF LIFE – Always Be Careful and Avoid Bad Company
When you start to feel great again, we often forget and drop our guard, so be
vigilant and careful not to do what you know triggers depression and
avoid anyone who has a negative energy or will influence you in anyway
negatively and out of balance. This isn’t negative – it’s more about knowing what you boundaries and limits are.
4. 3 BUSINESS THEORY
There is only 3 businesses.1 – My business 2 – Other People’s business and 3 – God’s business. Don’t get involved in other people’s business and remember to keep them out of yours. What other people think about you is not your business, it’s their business. You don’t have to do, say,
think or feel anything that you don’t choose to.
Don’t do things out of obligation – do them or don’t do them because you have made the choice.
Stay out of God’s business too, if you care about the starving kids in Africa then
sponsor one or two and let God take care of the rest. Let God run the world or become a world leader yourself. Be lovingly selfish about your and your business for a while.
5. SEX ENERGY
Too much sex and wasted sex energy on masturbation or fantasies is not a good idea as it fosters your mind to focus on unrealistic or short term and instant gratification when it needs to be focused on building resilience and long term happiness. People lose a lot of energy to sex.
Sex and making love is a wonderful thing and needs to be in balance. So not too much and if you are in a sexual relationship and not going there, then make sure you do. Make an effort and get that most powerful energy flowing.
6. THE ART OF CONFRONTATION
The art of confrontation is “know thy point. ”
We lose energy having to explain, justify and make excuses which for other people are often never enough and they just don’t get it anyway so have your point and stick to it. If someone wants to argue and keep picking at different things, you do not have to play. For example, someone close may ask you and want to know all the ins and outs of your day and you do have the choice of saying over and over “it was a pretty
good day, same old – same old, pretty good.”
This may not satisfy them but that’s not your business! Remember that questions and answers are not your friends, so watch out for people that ask too many questions. These situations put you on the back foot by having the pressure of answering all the time.
Expression is great and should be a natural process rather than a Q and A. Wondering what may be is great too and leads to feeling wonder-full! Often times too
many questions just leads to more of the same. I often answer questions with “yeah I wonder…”
7. DIET AND ADDICTIONS
Balance is the key and so be mindful that ‘you are what you eat’. Know what foods and addictions make you feel low. Avoid extremes and keep focus on a long term balanced diet! No bingeing! Enjoy and learn to get in-tune with your body that says
“that’s enough” or “that doesn’t work for me”.
8. TOO MUCH RIGHTEOUS INTEGRITY
Too much love can be described as smother-love and too much care and concern for doing the right thing and having high expectations, values and religious beliefs can bring you down.
It’s just like playing golf – you do need to hit the ball but not too hard or it gets frustrating and the ball does not go straight.
Religion is a good thing but people who are too righteous with it can cause a lot of energy loss, fears, low self esteem and conflict around them and within themselves. Their perfectionism and self righteous attitude can cause depression and excludes their family and friends from wanting to be around them.
There are a lot of things about the world that maybe you don’t understand and are maybe just down right insane. It has always been this way and always will be so as you start to feel alive again watch out for having too much integrity and trying to change the world or other people.
Stop aiming for an A all the time when sometimes a C will do. It’s okay to do a half arse job from time to time. It’s really okay to have what I call a ‘human weakness day’ where you don’t put in your very best effort. Forgive yourself and others for not being perfect.
9. BEWARE THE 5 SABOTAGES – DOUBT, QUIT, TIRED, STORIES and PAIN
Watch out for self DOUBT, it is always there and is the only thing
quicker than the speed of light. Let it be there as a guide to make
sure that you are not doing anything silly but do not let it take hold
and stop you from breaking through fears!
QUITTING starts in your head as thoughts from self doubt so have a strong resolve and belief in yourself where you know there will be obstacles, and you know you may
fall down and fail time and again, but you will get up and you will
succeed in the end.
If you are getting 6 to 8 hours sleep, then chances are that it is the depression that is triggering a TIRED program. This program is running when you feel yourself getting drained around people.Feeling too tired to do things all the time? You are in the tired sabotage so focus on being more relaxed rather than tired!
Watch out for negative STORIES and self talk that takes you back to depression. Replace negative self talk with visualisations and power statements that may take 50 times of saying them to start to work.
PAIN is real but the fear of pain is a sabotage which is why many gyms try to get in the perception of ‘no pain, no gain’ because people run all the other sabotages when in fear of pain.
Have a ‘I’m doing it anyway’ attitude when it comes to the 5 Sabotages. Doubt may be there but I’ll face it and do it anyway! I might end up hurt and I could get smashed but I’m going to do it anyway!
10. TOO MUCH THERAPY
Many people trigger back to depression by getting too much therapy which can just keep re-triggering and bringing up the past. Many times people continue with therapy in fear of depression returning. As each day gets better, slowly reduce the
therapies to be in-line with how you are feeling. Be prepared to change from therapy to performance or business coaching to help you reach your goals.
On the other side of this is the fact that you do need a good coach or therapist and one that empowers independence. Watch out for the kind who want you to come back once or twice a week – they are creating co dependence! Think of a good therapist like a coach where if you want to get good at golf, you get a few lessons and once you are where you
want to be then just check in a few times a year. If you want to get to be a pro-golfer then do it each week for the highs and what the potential can be, rather than out of fear of falling back into depression again.
Many people invest millions into a house, career and education but can’t break through and spend a few thousand per year on the most investment for life – you!
That’s enough for today.
I hope this helps.
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